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I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?