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Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
I want to sleep tighter
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.