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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.