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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.