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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.