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I wish my mind had a delete button.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
My number was 0...
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden