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It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.