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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?