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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I don`t care about your status...
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!