Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...