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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.