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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I flunked anger management class.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Check this one out.........1
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.