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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.