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There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.