Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
It`s no fun if you have permission.