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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Safe words are for quitters.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
There is no time to check time
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.