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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.