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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."