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I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
life is short play naked
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!