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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.