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Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.