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I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
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Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
only fights if pillows are present.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what Iām doing.