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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.