Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?