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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
My favorite beer is the next one.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.