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Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.