Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves