Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.