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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?