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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.