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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.