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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?