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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.