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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Exercise? More like extra fries.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
It’s not pretty being easy.