Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?