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My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.