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“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.