Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!