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If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.