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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
I have off-road rage, too
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.