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Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.