Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink