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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: