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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.