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Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF