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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Bacon...need I say more
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.