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Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Youth is wasted on the young.