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Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.