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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?