Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.