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Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
If stress burned calories, Iād be a super model.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that Iām still not a real adult.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.