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"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
My life is just one long improvisation.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.