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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.