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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
It`s no fun if you have permission.