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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”