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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"