Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?