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sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.