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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional